Jessica Levy Books

Don’t you love reliving childhood pleasures as a grown-up? Like going to a playground and hopping on a swing or taking a piece of chalk to the concrete and scribbling the afternoon away? A certain innocent joy washes over our hearts when we engage in the seemingly frivolous hobbies of our youth.

One of my favorites is playdough. Little beats the endless fun and creativity that comes from molding shapes, pushing dough through different cutters, mixing colors, kneading it around in your hands. You can call the adult version with its fancy screw-top lid and essential oils “therapeutic stress relief putty” all you want, but guys…it’s playdough!

I am thankful that as a pediatric Speech Language Pathologist, I get to play with playdough (er…uh…have the kids play with it) on the semi-regular. I love watching their faces when they see me pull the colorful cups from the basket. Their eyes dance with light like I pulled the basket from under a Christmas tree: “Are we playing with playdough today, Mrs. Levy?!”

I can’t help but join in their excitement as they pop the tops and dig in. In that moment of anticipation and discovery, there’s nothing worse than the following: “Mine is hard as a rock!”

My whole body cringes as joy escapes with their sigh. I rush to bring them another cup. No sense in trying to play with rock-hard playdough. You can’t mold it, cut it, squish it back together or meld it with other colors. Hard playdough stifles creativity. It prevents creation.

So it was with the heart I brought to God one Wednesday night. For weeks, I had barely heard his voice. I felt like I was lost in a dark room without a clue. When I sat to pray, silence overcame my mouth. When I read the Bible, it was just words on a page. I felt broken, lonely, and full of doubt. I felt stale and stagnant and I didn’t know how to get out.

Desperate, I approached God at the church altar. I wanted to know where he had gone. The answer was not what I had expected: he was right there. Like, the whole time. So why did I feel so dark and closed off?

Turns out I did it to myself. As I went through a long trial with someone very close to me, I had sometimes pressed into God but mostly had been fighting in my own strength. Under seige, I reacted by hardening my own heart. It was my way of protecting it. If my heart was a rock, nobody could get in and break it.

Nobody. Not even God.

A hard heart stifles creativity. It halts creation.

“OK, God. So what do I do?”

“Alabaster jar.”

A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

LUKE 7:37-38

Alabaster is a type of rock. Inside this shaped rock was a well of expensive perfume. This was so valuable that the people around Jesus protested at this act of disregard for the value of the perfume. But Jesus rebuked them. The value he saw was in her act of worship, not her jar. He praised her for the faith she displayed in pouring what may have been her most prized possession over his feet.

The battles we fight in life, especially those we really take to heart, can destroy us even if we win them. We are good at protecting ourselves from pain by building walls of unforgiveness, pride, and mistrust. When your heart becomes so fortified that even God cannot get in, you cut off his ability to mold and make you. And that’s a problem.

The only solution is to sit at the feet of Jesus and surrender to him your most valuable possession. As you pour out your expensive heart all over his feet, you will find that your alabaster heart is hard no longer.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7

You don’t have to protect your heart with walls and spears. If you take your heart to him who values it more than even you do, he will stand guard before it and you will have his peace, beyond your own ability, beyond your own strength, beyond even your understanding.

All you have to do with your heart is keep it soft. Forgive, love, offer grace, trust him. God will be able to do more with your life when you surrender your alabaster.