Jessica Levy Books

We are told that we have been molded like clay into the image of our creator. In Genesis 2:7, God formed man from the dust of the ground. This conjures images of a great potter, swiping a handful of dirt from the earth and shaping it into his likeness, a visual echoed in Job 10:9 and Isaiah 64:8. It is wondrous to envision God’s fingerprints all over us, as he forms us from dirt. Once fearfully and wonderfully formed, the creation then goes about its business, off into the earth to serve his or her purpose, and that’s the end of creation.

Or is it?

A few years ago, I had surgery to correct broken steel rods in my back. The surgery, which was scheduled to take six hours, took twelve, but it was successful: they replaced the rods and screws, even building them up to the point where there was “no chance” they could break again. I was relieved and very grateful to my doctor and his team.

Six weeks later, I should have been improving and feeling better, but I was getting worse. I had a constant fever, chills, aches, and still could barely move around without pain. The doctor found a pleural effusion, fluid on the lining of the lungs. They put me on antibiotics and I started to feel better, but as soon as the antibiotics ran out, I would get worse again. I had gone back to work but I felt awful every day. I was tired, in pain, overwhelmed. After two months of constant struggle and daily increasing pain, an x-ray revealed that the screws were not holding the rods in my spine and that the rod was coming out through my skin. Another surgery was scheduled to correct the issue. As any believer would do, I followed doctor’s orders but prayed for a miracle. God, heal my back, take this pain, guide my doctors, may this be the end of this trial!

During the second surgery, it was discovered that I had contracted a bone infection, so they removed the rods, but they were unable to replace them until the infection was gone. This meant there was a good chance I would need another surgery! Again I prayed for miraculous healing and when they ran a scan, they found that my bones had healed despite the malfunctioned rods – a miracle!! I was amazed that God had done it for me, and grateful was an understatement. I was glad to be moving on from this trial.

But a month after that surgery, the pain returned and another surgery was on the books. ‘God,’ I had to wonder, ‘where are you? What are you showing me? What is the purpose of this pain? I want this barrage to stop!’ I believe God is a healer and I was calling on him then to do what only he could: heal these bones so I don’t have to go in for another surgery. After all, if your plan is to prosper me and not to harm me (Jer. 29:11), then surely if I pray for this healing, you will give me the desire of my heart (Ps. 37:4).

‘My child,’ he replied, ‘what is the desire of your heart?’

Healing, of course! What was the true desire of my heart? Wasn’t it to be healed? Actually, no.

The desire of my heart, my prayer, for months had been to know my God in ways I never had before. I thought he was showing me how to have faith that he was the healer.  I thought he would show himself faithful through the poof! miracle healing of my back, so when that expectation went unmet again and again, I assumed something wasn’t right – either I had messed up or God had. But if I want to know my God, I have to do less expecting and more seeking.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

JAMES 1:2

That’s nice. How am I supposed to consider this pain, this disappointment, this endless trial…as joy, pure joy?! ‘Keep reading,’ he said.

Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything

JAMES 1:3-4

When potters create something out of clay, they first must work the clay, pounding and pressing and smashing, to remove air bubbles and ensure the clay’s pliability. If the potter does not work the clay over and over before he begins molding, air bubbles can cause his creation to explode in the kiln. Next, the potter molds the clay, bending it this way and that. If he skips this step, he will find his creation to be a rather dull blob rather than a masterpiece. If the clay hardens while he works it, or if it falls apart, he will add water to soften it and stick it back together.

When his masterpiece is formed, the final step is generally one of two things. The first option, which takes some patient waiting, is to air-dry the creation to ensure it sets as it was meant to. The more widely used option is to place the masterpiece into the kiln, where it will undergo extreme heat, allowing the fortification under fire. This allows it to maintain solidity and strength. The kiln-glazing process also allows for the addition of brilliant color and beautiful details that will not fade over time.

Through my pounding, pressing, smashing, bending, and – let’s face it – under-fire experience, our creator was working on me. He was allowing my pain to mature me, complete me, create me. This maker who had already developed in me perseverance through childhood trials, adolescent trials, early adult trials, he was working again to knit me into a life in which I did “not lack anything.” A life in which I would not walk emptily into the next step, but I would be always created and re-created and re-re-created by my maker. What greater joy could there be? What purer joy for a creation than to be created by the creator? These trials were his fingerprints and he wasn’t done with me yet! He did have plans to prosper me, even when it sometimes felt like harm.

It is true that once, early on, your loving creator scooped up some dirt and fearfully and wonderfully made you. But that was not the end. He continues to fearfully and wonderfully make you into who he always meant for you to be. Even (or especially) when the process doesn’t feel great, hold on, stand firm, follow him. He is making you into a brilliantly beautiful masterpiece, mature and complete, not lacking anything.